Effete

effete (ɛˈfiːt)

adjective

1. impotent.
In effete attempts to prove their virility, so many set out to lure a woman to bed, when the real adventure is loving her.

Synonyms: barren, crippled, dud, enervated, enfeebled, feeble, forceless, frail, gutless, helpless, inadequate, incapable, incapacitated, incompetent, ineffective, ineffectual, inept, infecund, infirm, nerveless, paper tiger, paralyzed, powerless, prostrate, sterile, unfruitful, unproductive, weak.
2. Of material substances: That has lost its special quality or virtue; exhausted, worn out.
To the bitter, be that through a lack of love or exhaustion by society's gross tendency toward commercialization, the valentine has grown effete.

Synonyms: crapulous, decadent, epicurean, gluttonous, gourmandizing, greedy, hedonistic, immoderate, lush, parsimonious, sybaritic.

3. Figuratively of persons in an intellectual sense, of systems, etc.: That has exhausted its vigour and energy; incapable of efficient action. Also, of persons: weak, ineffectual; degenerate.
And just when the appeal of punny valentines cards seemed effete, we have dictators!

Synonym: bankrupt, burn out , conk out, cripple, debilitate, disable, do in, drain, draw, enervate, enfeeble, fag, fatigue, frazzle, impoverish, overdo, overexert, overextend, overfatigue,overtire, overwork, peter out, poop, poop out, prostrate, run ragged, sap, suck dry, tucker,use up, weaken, wear down, weary.

Prurient

prur-i-ent (ˈpruriənt)

adjective
1. Exhibiting or characterized by excessive or inappropriate desire or interest; overly curious.

As Walt Disney once said, when you're prurient, you can find lots of interesting things to do! Okay, maybe those weren't his words.

2. Lascivious, lewd; exhibiting or characterized by an excessive or inappropriate concern with sexual matters; encouraging such a concern.

Filth is in the mind of the beholder; from the right angle, everything is prurient. 
A face agog might signify a prurient mind!

Synonyms: bawdy, carnal, crude, desirous, erotic, fleshly,horny, hot, lecherous, lewd, libertine, libidinous, licentious, lustful, obscene, offensive, orgiastic, pornographic, raunchy, salacious, sensual, sexual, smutty, suggestive, unchaste, vulgar.

3. Causing an itching or stinging sensation. 

Hey you, out there in the cold getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisles with prurient feet and fading smiles, can you feel me?*

Synonyms: crawling, crawly, prickling, tickling, tingling.

*I'm aware that those are not the actual words to the Pink Floyd song, but you get it.

Chary

char-y (/ˈtʃɛərɪ/)

adjective
1. causing sorrow.
2. feeling sorrow.
3. dear, precious, cherished.
4. careful, cautious, circumspect.
5. fastidious, shy, particular.
6. careful.
7. careful not to waste or part with.
8. requiring careful handling.
No stories or poems were ever created about the chary love between Oscar and Florrie because is was requited, genuine, and went utterly unfulfilled; no one wants to remember that.

Synonyms: delicate.*

*Chary is really the only word that says so many things so concisely. I think Damien Rice could have used it for his song: "Delicate."

Preproperous

pre-prop-er-ous* (priprɑpərəs)

adjective

1. over-hasty.

Never trust a preproperous toad in a pink airplane.

Synonyms: abrupt, boisterous, booming, breakneck, breathless, brief, brusque, cursory, festinate, feverish, furious, fussy, headlong, hot, impelled, impelling, impetuous, impulsive, in a hurry, in all haste, hasty, in hot haste, partito in quarta, perfunctory, precipitate, precipitous, preproperous, pressed for time, pushing, rudderish, rushing, saccadic, scrambling, short, slapdash, speedy, spoffish, subitaneous, umbeer, urgent.

*This word originates in classical Latin, in which properus means speedy.

Agog

a-gog (əˈɡɒɡ)

adverb and adjective
1. in excited readiness, expectation, or desire; in or into a state of great eagerness, enthusiasm, excitement, suspense, or (in later use) astonishment.

Learn the difference between a man who flatters you and a man who compliments you. A man who spends money on you and a man who invests in you. A man who views you as property and a man who views you properly. A man agog and a man who loves you.

Synonym: anxious, avid, breathless, eager, enthusiastic, excited, expectant, impatient, in suspense, on tenter hooks. 

Cockamamie

cock-a-mam-ie (ˈkɒkəˌmeɪmɪ)

adjective/noun/slang
1. inexplicable or ridiculous, not well thought out.
Sheldon: Wait! You have to drive me.
Penny: What?!
Sheldon: You know I don't drive.
Penny: Well, go ask Leonard!
Sheldon: I did; he said, and I quote: "Ask Penny, it was her cockamamie idea."
Penny: Leonard said "cockamamie"?
Sheldon: Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamie."

Synonyms: aberrant, absurd, batty, brainless, clueless, cockamamie, crazy, cuckoo, delirious, demented, disconnected, disjointed, distraught, dumb, fallacious, flaky, foolish, freaky, idiotic, ill-conceived, incoherent, injudicious, insane, invalid, kooky, loony, mad, mindless, nonsensical, nutty, off-the-wall, preposterous, raving, reasonless, ridiculous, silly, sophistic, specious, stupid, unreasonable, unreasoning, unsound, unstable, unthinking, unwise, wacky, wild, wrong.

*American English slang word attested by 1946, popularized c.1960, but said to be New York City children's slang from mid-1920s; perhaps an alteration of decalcomania.

**The Word Detective says: "Cockamamie ... is a grand word in danger of extinction through neglect," and suggests, like Clint Eastwood does, we should use it every once and a while, just to keep it alive. It just makes me think of Foghorn Leghorn.

Otiose

o-ti-ose (/ˈoʊdiˌoʊs)*
adjective
1. having no practical result or outcome.
Most of our most wonderful desires are otiose at their root; their function being simply giving us something to wish for; and, ultimately, leaving us empty when our wish has been fulfilled. 

Synonyms: empty, futile, hollow, idle, inactive, indolent, ineffective, laggard, lazy, slothful, sterile, superfluous, surplus, vain.

*Though in pronunciation and meaning, this word is very close to the word odious; so close, in fact that I had to triple check to be sure that this was not just a variation in spelling. It's not. A thing that is odious is useless, but also despised. Our feelings about an otiose thing, however, can be neutral or even positive. Indeed, Oscar Wilde might have said that all art is otiose.

Sesquipedalian

ses-quip-e-dal-i-an (sɛskwɪpɪˈdeɪlɪən)

adjective/noun

1. a word with lots of syllables.

Sesquipedalian is really the opposite of monosyllabic, but far more appropriate!

Synonyms: really long word, verbose.

Teratoid

ter-a-toid (ˈtɛrətɔɪd)

adjective
1. severely malformed.

Though often seen as corrupted, teratoid creatures, like the two-headed baby, are also interpreted as prophetic symbols. For instance, dreaming of having a two-headed baby means that you have created a problem and see two options for getting out of it; it also means you dreamt of having a two-headed baby.

2. having the character, quality, or appearance of a monster.

The teratoid shadows in our pathway alarmed and terrified us.

Synonyms: abnormal, egregious, malformed, monstrous.

*The image below is a National Geographic Contest Winner.

Jentacular

jen-tac-u-lar (jen-TAK-yuh-luhr)
adjective
1. of or pertaining to breakfast, consumed early in the morning or immediately after waking.
Would you like toast and jam with your tea? We also have yogurt, cereal, bacon, eggs, and numerous other jentacular offerings.

Synonyms: breakfast-ish, morning-menu-esque.*

*See how desperately we need this word!?!
**As appropriate as this word would be for describing the many spectacular qualities that originated with my sister, Jenny, that would not be an appropriate use of the term.

Woolgathering

wool-gath-er-ing (wo͝olˌgaT͟H(ə)riNG)

noun
1. An idle indulgence in fantasy or imagination, usually in avoidance of more productive tasks.
All writers of fiction hope to turn woolgathering into a fruitful occupation.

Synonyms: castle in the air, conceiving, daydream, dream, fancy, fancying, figment of imagination, fond hope, fool's paradise, head trip, imagination, imagining, in a zone, mind trip, musing, phantasm, phantasy, pie in the sky, pipe dream, reverie, stargazing, trip, vision, wish.

adjective
1. Of a dreamy or absent minded nature.
I never regret the daydreaming, but I resent the woolgathering expression that lets others know that I've stopped paying attention.

Synonyms: absent-minded, absorbed, abstracted, airheaded, airheaded, bemused, careless, daydreaming, distracted, distrait, dreaming, dreamy, engrossed, faraway, forgetful, goofing off, head in the clouds, heedless, inattentive, inconscient, lost, mooning, moony, oblivious, out to lunch, pipe dreaming, preoccupied, remote, removed, scatterbrained, space cadet, spacey, spacey, surroundings, unaware of events, unconscious, unheeding, unmindful, unobservant, unthinking, withdrawn.

* I don't think it's a stretch to suggest that this word is a mockery of the actual act of gathering wool from places frequented by sheep, like a pasture or a barn, rather than sheering the wool off the sheep themselves.
** For the purposes of listening to Supertramp, let's say a woolgatherer is a dreamer.

Unsoulclogged

un-soul-clogged (n-sl-klgd)

adjective
1. Happiness or contentment after a period of upset.
Since I got home, I've been unsoulclogged and I owe it all to my wonderful family.

Synonyms: blessed, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, chirpy, content, contented, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated, exultant, flying high, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified, happy, intoxicated, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant, laughing, light, lively, looking good, merry, mirthful, on cloud nine, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased, sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled, tickled pink, up, upbeat, walking on air.

Supercilious

sup-er-cil-i-ous (so͞opərˈsilēəs)

adjective
1. The quality of demonstrating arrogant superiority to those around them.
After much deliberation at a bar with my best friend last week, we decided that the one quality all of my deadly exes and current love interests bore in common was a supercilious self-confidence. Is that just another way of saying I'm attracted to assholes?
2. Expressive of contempt.
The last thing my love sent me was a supercilious emoticon. It's hard to keep one's hopes up under such circumstances - delusional even.

Synonyms: arrogant, asshole, bitchy, bossy, cavalier, cocky, condescending, contemptuous, dick, disdainful, egomaniac, egotistic, haughty, high-and-mighty, imperious, insolent, lofty, nervy, overbearing, patronizing, proud, putting on airs, scornful, snobby, superior, uppity, vainglorious.

Bifarious

bi-far-i-ous (bye-FAIR-ee-us)

adjective
1. Two-fold or double.
In parting, I found his attitude toward me bifarious. On the one hand, he was sad to see me leaving, so much so that he would almost break down into tears. On the other hand, my leaving seemed like such an imposition, such a burden to him, that he would lash out in sudden fits of anger. In truth, I currently feel hostage to his bifarious manner and my leaving tomorrow is a great consolation to me.
2. Ambiguous.
I want to go back to my favorite dress shop before and buy all of my favorite things in green because green is the most bifarious colour; it can be earthy or jealous, greedy or full of life. I'm not sure if Kermit was right about how easy it is being green because I would wear it all the time.
3. In two rows on either side of.
Kermit blends in with the bifarious leaves.

Synonyms: ambiguous, bifold, binary, binate, coupled, double, dual, dualistic, duple, duplex, duplicate, duplicated, geminate, paired, repeated, second, twice, twin, two times, twofold.

Gauche

gauche* (gsh)

adjective
1. Left-handed awkward and clumsy.
Have cut my right hand on a broken glass and sprained my right leg, I look very gauche, hobbling around and whining about everything. I am really lucky to have such good friends to help me out and put up with me.
2. Winding; twisted; warped; -- applied to curves and surfaces.
I wondered as I did it, whether I would regret throwing out that pallet Amanda painted on, but she left it in a pile of garbage, so I wasn't sure what else I should do. Now, I feel like going out and buying her more pallets to use as gauche canvases.
3. Lacking grace and perceptivity in social situations; crude; tactless; socially inept.
The most vengeful people I know are either very gauche in their tactics and, therefore, not a threat; or they are so vindictive and conniving that I haven't recognized them yet and should be very afraid.
4. A mathematical term to mean skewed.
The whole photo seems crooked because the horizon line is so gauche.

Synonyms: all thumbs, awkward, blundering, blunderous, bulky, bumbling, bungling, butterfingered, clownish, clumsy, crooked, crude, elephantine, gawkish, gawky, graceless, ham-handed, heavy, heavy-handed, helpless, hulking, ill-shaped, incompetent, inelegant, inept, inexperienced, inexpert, lubberly, lumbering, lumpish, maladroit, oafish, ponderous, splay, stumbling, unable, unadept, uncoordinated, uncouth, undexterous, uneasy , ungainly, unhandy, unskillful, untactful, untalented, untoward, unwieldy, weedy.

* From the French word, meaning left.
** Looks like lefties get a bed wrap here, doesn't it?

Draconian

drac-o-ni-an (drey-koh-nee-uhn, druh-)

adjective
1. Very severe or strict.*
I'm tired of draconian servitude toward schedules. I want to work when I feel like it and board a plane when I feel like it. Fuck it, I don't want to work...
2. Of or resembling a dragon.
This draconian princess cannot be killed by fire!

Synonyms: brutal, cruel, drastic, exorbitant, extreme, heavy-handed, oppressive, rough, severe, strict, very severe.

* This usage of the word takes its root from Draco, a famous lawgiver of Athens, 621 b. c. Used especially in the phrase Draconian punishment.

Irascible

i-ras-cib-le (-rs-bl, -rs-)

adjective
1. Prone to or easily provoked to outbursts of anger.
My ex-lover died, my roommate moved out, I have no money, my daughter is moving out, my sister disowned me and I've been on hold for half an hour; forgive me if I seem a little irascible.
2. Characterized by or resulting from anger.
“Imperious, choleric, irascible, extreme in everything, with a dissolute imagination the like of which has never been seen, atheistic to the point of fanaticism, there you have me in a nutshell, and kill me again or take me as I am, for I shall not change.” - Marquis de Sade*

Synonyms: acerbic, angry, antagonized, bearish, belligerent, bitchy, bitter, bristly, cantankerous, caustic, censorious, crabbed, crabby, cranky, cranky, churlish, cross, choleric, cross, feisty, ferocious, fierce, fiery, fractious, fuming, furious, galled, grouchy, hasty, hot-tempered, huffy, ireful, irritable, ogre, passionate, peevish, petulant, querulous, quick-tempered, short-tempered, snappish, surly, testy, thin-skinned, touchy, uptight, vexed, wrathful.

* The Marquis' name provides the origin of the modern term sadism.
** The image is a depiction of the Marquis de Sade by H. Biberstein in L'Œuvre du marquis de Sade, Guillaume Apollinaire (Edit.), Bibliothèque des Curieux, Paris, 1912.

Cimmerian

cim-mer-i-an (s-mîr-n)

adjective
1. Perpetually dark and/or gloomy.
The Bride of Frankenstein recommended Dracula run the photo he wanted to use for his match.com profile through photoshop first so that he might look a little less cimmerian.

Synonyms: abyssal, aphotic, atramentous, black, blackish, caliginous, clouded, cloudy, crepuscular, darkened, dim, dingy, drab, dull, dun, dusk, dusky, faint, foggy, gloomy, grimy, igneous, ill-lighted, indistinct, inky, lightless, lurid, misty, murky, nebulous, obfuscous, obscure, opaque, overcast, pitch-black, pitch-dark, pitchy, rayless, shaded, shadowy, shady, somber, sooty, stygian, sunless, tenebrous, unlighted, unlit, vague.

* Undead life can be hard for a vampire.

Idiopathic

id-i-o-path-ic* (d--pthk, d--)

adjective
1. Of unknown cause, pertaining to medical conditions.
Dr House fights idiopathic diseases by identifying cause.

Synonyms: idiopathetic,** random, unknown, unlucky.

* I fully admit that I like this word because it sounds like it should describe pathological idiocy.
** I promise this is also a real word! No, it doesn't mean idiotic beyond the point of sympathy.