Micromort

mi-cro-mort (ˈmaɪkroʊˌmɔ(ə)rt)

noun
1. a unit of risk measuring a one-in-a-million probability of death.
Some unusual factors are said to increase your chance of death by one micromort, such as: eating a thousand bananas; walking seventeen miles; eating 40 tablespoons of peanut butter; or living two months in Denver.

Synonyms: a millionth.

*The term was invented in 1968 as a way of looking at the trade-offs involved in taking certain risks. It can also open your eyes to some unhealthy daily lifestyle choices.

Monograph

mon-o-graph (ˈmänəˌgraf)

noun
1. A detailed written study of a very specific topic or single aspect of it.
What could be more of a monograph thanTammy Lee Morris's Zombie Mama's Guide to Undead Etiquette? I never would have imagined there was an art to walking around moaning, "Brrraaainnnsss..."

Synonyms: Ph.d Dissertation. 

Mixen

mix-en (mksn)

noun
1. A compost heap or a dung pile.
We all have enough of our own mixen without mixing it up with other people's mixen.

Synonyms: compost heap, crap, dirt, dung pile, laystall, mess.

Misologist

mis-ol-og-ist* (m-sl-jst)

noun
1. A hater of reason and/or logic.
The drunks leaving downtown after the fireworks on Canada Day have always acted the part of disoriented misologists.

Synonyms: blockhead, bonehead, cretin, dimwit, dork, drunk, dumbell, dunce, flaky hippie, fool, idiot, ignoramus, imbecile, jerk, moron, muttonhead, nincompoop, Shonna's ex-boyfriend Danny, Walmart shoppers.

* An idiot is a stupid person with a mental age below three years, while a moron is a stupid person with a mental age of between seven to twelve years; a misologist can be any mental age, but will still seem like an asshole.

Misogyny

mis-og-yn-y (mĭ-sŏjˈə-nē)

noun
1. Hatred of women.
"I’m pretty sure all of us have been told at one point or another, after taking down someone who perpetuates any one of a sea of -isms, “don’t be so sensitive.” When I was a kid that cowed me. I was afraid of being perceived as weak and hysterical (ah, internalized misogyny!), and as everyone well knows, sensitive is but one step down the dangerous path of unchecked (and feminine!) emotion." - Ailanthus-altissima*

Synonyms: bias, bigotry, chauvinism, inequality, inequity, patriarchy, partiality, prejudice.

* Check the link out, it's an excellent little article.

Mummery

mum-mer-y (mŭmˈə-rē)

1. A performance by mummers.*
All the world's a mummery,
And all the men and women merely mummers;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. - The Bard.**
2. A pretentious show or ceremony.
In 2011, the mummery of royal weddings was made most evident by the hats.

Synonyms: carnival, circus, costume ball, facade, festivity, front, masquerade, pretense, subterfuge.

* If there's one thing I can't stand about theatre life,*** it's the mummery of all the mummers.****
** It started out as a quote, but I modified it.
*** I'm lying. I love everything about theatre life!
**** A mummer is an actor or a player.

Mollycoddle

mol-ly-cod-dle (mŏlˈē-kŏdˌl)

verb
1. To overly protect or indulge.
Out of a sense of obligation for all of the kindnesses he's shown me in the past, I tend to mollycoddle my ex every time he phones in the middle of the night

noun
1. A person, especially a man, who has been pampered and overprotected his (rarely her) whole life.
The self-indulgent mollycoddle takes it upon himself to say whatever comes into his mind, regardless of how it will make me feel.

Synonyms: baby, cosset, humour, pet.

Mayday

may-day (māˈdāˌ)

noun
1. One way to say: "Help! My ship or airplane is going down," in a way that anyone can understand, regardless of language, because it is an international radiotelephone signal word.*
Politicians' unfounded attacks on one another are political code for mayday, when they think their own chances at winning office are sinking.

Synonyms: alert, caution, forewarning, SOS, warning.

* The word was thought up by a guy, named Frederick Stanley Mockford, as a distress signal. He adapted it from the French m'aider (help me).

Murderabilia

murd-er-a-bil-i-a* (mûrˈdər-ə-bĭlˈē-ə, -bĭlˈyə)

noun
1. Like memorabalia, but the historical event that the collectibles come from is a murder.
"In the gruesome world of "murderabilia," collectors can buy everything from Timothy McVeigh's death certificate to serial killer wall calendars or a lock of Charles Manson's hair in the shape of a swastika." - ABC 20/20

Synonyms: a clear sign that [insert name of dealer/collector here] is un-dateable.

* People have asked whether some of the words in my blog are real or not and I promise that this, like all of the other words, is a real word. It's creepy, but it's real!

Muttonhead

mut-ton-head (mtn-hd)

noun
1. A very stupid person.
Some muttonhead, who is friends with my daughter, vomited off of the top of the stairs last night into the patio of the cafe below, leaving me with a huge sense of remorse and embarrassment. He said: "This is why I hate drinking," but I somehow suspect this won't be the last time he drinks. Stupid muttonhead!

Synonyms: ass, blockhead, bonehead, cretin, Daniel, dimwit, dork, dumbbell, dunce, fool, ignoramus, imbecile, jerk, misologist, moron, nincompoop, nitwit, pinhead.

* Daniel isn't stupid when he's sober, but he must stop drinking - at least before finding his way to my apartment.

Monomania

mo-no-ma-ni-a (mn-mn-, -mny)

noun
1. Unusual or even pathological obsession with a single thing, usually a subject or an idea.
Novelists must suffer from some degree of monomania in order to think about an idea long enough to write 350 pages about it.


Synonyms: dedication, devotion, enthusiasm, extremism, fever, furor, immoderation, infatuation, madness, obsession, obstinacy, one-track mind, preoccupation, zeal.

* The passage quoted in this definition is from Monomania: the flight from everyday life in literature and art by Marina Van Zuylen.

Moxie

mox-ie (mks)

slang
1. A knack for facing adversity with unwavering optimism.
Y'know what I like about you kid? You gotta a lotta moxie, kid. That's what you got!
2. Energy mixed with determination.
With my know-how and your moxie, we're gonna make it far!

Synonyms: adventurousness, audacity, backbone, boldness, bravery, chutzpah, daring, dauntlessness, determination, dumb luck, fearlessness, fortitude, grit, guts, nerve, pluck, spirit, spunk, tenacity.

Mansplain

man-splain (mn-spln)*

verb/slang
1. To explain accurately or inaccurately with total confidence that your audience will accept your mansplanation on the grounds that you are a man** or superior in some way.
When I first met Tom, he was taking a class that Lisa was teaching on the History of Science. Despite the fact that he registered in her class and still hadn't finished an undergrad degree, he had to waste everyone's time twice a week, mansplaining how Lisa had it all wrong.

Synonyms: being a pompous dick.

*This term is an humourous combination of the words man and explain and was created to quickly describe the behaviour of male newbies to internet forums frequented by women.

**Either sex can be guilty of mansplaining. In fact, I do it in this blog ALL the time :)

Music

mus-ic (myoo'zik)

noun
1. Something that is pleasing to hear.
Travis can't sing, but his voice is music to my ears.
2. Art produced through the medium of sound.
Do you like American music? We like all kinds of music!
3. A score to instruct players on how to reproduce a song.
Learning to play piano and read music is a good foundation for a young artist.
4. The obsession of musicians.
Music is my hot hot sex.
5. That which most drummers wish they could play.

Synonyms: melody, song, tune.

slang
1. Something that is difficult to deal with.
It's time to face the music.

Synonyms: consequences, facts, reality, truth.

Malady

mal-ad-y (ml-d)*

noun
1. Something both hypochondriacs and drama queens suffer from constantly.
The only malady the old lady had not suffered from was a real one.
2. Something uncomfortable.
As Jean Baptiste Racine once said, "Without money, honour is nothing, but a malady."
3. A poor state of health.
Someone is always calling in sick with some form of malady or another.
I suffer from a combination of all the above.
My maladies are imagined, uncomfortable and often put me into a poor state of health.

Synonyms: affliction, ailment, bug, complaint, condition, disease, diseasedness, distemper, fever, flu, ill health, illness, indisposition, infirmity, plague, sickness, virus, unwellness.

*Similar to, but nothing like, m'lady. Your lady might be a malady, but mine is not.